Thursday, April 28, 2016

Thankful Thursdays - SOUR

SOUR

That is the word I would use to describe my general mood and tone lately. What does that have to do with Thankful Thursdays? EVERYTHING!

The truth is I have been struggling, regularly and a LOT lately. I have been discontented with my apartment (as it is it does not BEST SERVE ME), I have been discontented with my lack of car, and I have been discontented with the lack of movement on my divorce case. All this discontentment has served to do is to breed more discontentment and to steal my time. While I will not get my time BACK, I can prevent the LOSS of more time. 

I took a video of my apartment using my Kindle Fire - but alas I cannot figure out how to move the video from the Fire to a source I can use for this blog. At any rate my apartment is out of control. It is a disaster and is it a mess. It has gotten to this point because I gave up hope, I believed that I was entitled to MORE to BETTER (and I am), but that doesn't mean I cannot have GRATITUDE for what is here. 

I picked up Sheila Kennedy's Choices to Changes and started reading (I like to read self-help books in spurts, somehow I just always know when to pick it up again). I was reading a section about Attention to Money breeds abundance. At first the passage struck me as false. The passage talks about changing the way you look at money and instead of saying I cannot afford that say I am choosing not to spend my money on that at this time. 

My first thought was negative, I don't choose not to spend my money on this at this time, I don't have the money to spend. But as I turned it over in my mind I realized I do have a choice. I choose to pay my rent, I choose to pay my RG&E and I choose not to attempt to put myself further into debt. I could always take the funds from another source but I choose not too. And certainly there have been times when I have not had the money to take from other sources, but in those times I chose to sell items I no longer loved, needed or that served me. I chose to find alternate options to pay the unavoidable bills. 

My instinct was to push the idea away as false, because I currently fall into the lack breeds lack category. When I let go and trust, I find time and time again abundance. When I let go and trust that I will succeed I cross paths with the people who I need in my life at that moment. So why is it so hard to let go and trust my living accommodations? 

Yes, I am grateful to have a Landlord who cares about building community MORE than building profits. Yes, I am grateful to have a Landlord who did not evict me when I could not pay my December rent in full, or any of my January rent. No this apartment isn't my dream apartment and someday I'll live in a Loft or a Studio or a 1 Bedroom in the heart of a vibrant city (but maybe that city isn't the one I am in right now) and maybe now isn't the time or that dream. 

What I can do is CHOOSE how I look and treat the space I am in right now. I am CHOOSING to make changes. I am choosing to let go of ALL the items that no longer serve me. I am choosing to make improvements to this apartment so that it better serves my needs and desires. I am choosing to LOVE this place while it is my HOME.

Hopefully, I'll be editing this post in the near future to add the intended video

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Time Management Tuesday - The Time Journal, The Bifurcated Day and Not Enough Time

Have you ever uttered "I just don't have enough time" or a similar phrase. I know I have and recently I have been hearing very similar phrases from Lu. Why is it that some people are able to manage better with the same 24 hour day?

We are all given the same 24 hour day. I think those who do not feel "too busy" or "overwhelmed" with tasks have simply done a better job of prioritizing. Instead of saying I am too busy they say I am choosing not to make this a priority right now. Or they are saying I have chosen to make this a priority because it is important to ME so I am deciding that these other tasks are not a priority and can wait. 

Now I empathize with Lu that she is stuck in school 8 hours a day (some days she only has 1 hour of instruction), and this is something she cannot choose away. But how can she and I better use our time? 

I cannot find the answer for her, but I can find the answer for me. I think the key is to begin by understanding where my time is going. It is the advice given when people want to take control of their diets or their budgets so why not apply it to time. I will be starting, and sharing a time journal. Now it won't be as cool as Dr. River Song's Tardis Journal, it will be simpler. For one month I will track my time. Who knows maybe by just being more aware of where my time is going I will find more time to do the things I want.

I currently live with a bifurcated day. Mondays and Wednesdays my productive day ends at 5pm when I have to get ready to take Lu to Bville. It is a 1.5 hour drive each way and she has core class (1 hour) and then fight training (1+ hour). I leave between 5:00 and 5:15 and I return home around 10:30. That is 5.5 hours of my 24 hour day I DO NOT have control over. I spend most of the time sitting. I can start bringing reading material with me and maybe walking the canal path instead of sitting in a diner for dinner and then sitting in the dojo watching her. She doesn't like when I watch her, she gets upset with me. 

If at the end of my Month I still do not have enough time, I have to start evaluating what is important to me, and what can I let go of so that I can have enough time. 

How about you? What are your secrets to good time management?

Monday, April 18, 2016

Monday Money Matters - Abandoning the Side Hustle

Many blogs, pins and posts tell you that if you need to achieve financial freedom you need to reduce your expenses. Once you have cut your expenses to the bone what else can you do? You can increase your income. Now if you don't have time for a traditional second job then what about a side hustle? Well Home Party Plans and  MLM company reps make promises about full time income with just part time hours.... what was that my Momma always used to say If it sounds to good to be true..... or was it Tigger who said TANSTAFL ~ The ain't no such thing as a free lunch.....

There is money to be made in Party Plan businesses and MLM, but it is certainly not full time income for part time hours (for the majority of people). There are a select few who build strong teams or host large and successful parties for full time pay with part time hours. The truth is that MOST people will put in full time hours for part time (or less pay). These companies make the majority of their INCOME on the representatives (aka Sales Reps, Independent Consultants, Territory Reps, Recruiters, Managers, Leads, etc.).

I LOVE Lemongrass Spa Products and once upon a time I was an Independent Consultant with them. I stepped away because I had reservations about my ability to sell their products unsupported by my spouse. As a separated and independent woman I started thinking about my income opportunities and just as that happened the Universe set Lemongrass Spa once again in my path.

It seemed the perfect fit, with a number of products that I could use in my practice and sell without selling. I held a party of my own - with minimal turn out. Friends helped me earn some off my kit but in the end I spent roughly $150 for "$400" worth of product and business materials. I still love the product and intend to remain a representative as long as I have active orders, but without spending MORE money I cannot get started.

Here is what came in my kit:
1 Ultimate Face Kit - for Normal to Dry Skin ~ Something on Lulu's wish list and that she is currently using and LOVING so I'll use my discount to continue getting her replacements as needed. (Ideally I'll use the discount to get Sam the Oil Skin kit for him to use).
1 Foot Kit - Peppermint ~ Now my personal feeling is that since the company offers two kits both should be in the starter kit (but this is how they make money) and if they are only going to offer one it should be the Cucumber Kit BECAUSE Peppermint is NOT RECOMMENDED for PREGNANT and NURSING WOMEN so before offering the Foot Soak and Balm to women a consultant ideally warns them that it is not recommended for Pregnant and Nursing women. Now if a guest at a party is pregnant but has not told her friends I put her in the uncomfortable position of abstaining from a foot soak and people asking "WHY" OR risking the undesired effects of peppermint during pregnancy.... NEITHER IS A GOOD SITUATION. So a consultant would ideally purchase the cucumber melon foot kit ~ Retail $39. ADDITIONALLY in order to do ANY Foot Soaks at a SPA PARTY I'd need 6+ Dish Tubs (min $1/each), and 6+ towels for women to dry their feet on.
2 Body Scrubs - Pomegranate and Lavender. This is GREAT because one is Sugar Based and the other is Salt Based. It is nice to have both options available. ~ Issue for me, the Pomegranate contains Mango Butter - I am allergic to Mango Butter. I contacted HO to find out if I could get a listing of ALL products containing Mango and was told no, I'd have to search that myself. I don't have that kind of time.
1 Pre-biotic Citrus/Tea Tree Oil Hand Soap ~ This is the first step in the hand spa at a home party. Wash with soap, slough with Body Polish, and finish with lotion.  I would have preferred the Foaming Hand Soap as individuals with Shell Fish Allergies MAY not be able to use pre-biotic hand soap.
1 of each Scent Lotion in the Travel Size Lotion Bottle ~ Again this is awesome and allows us to complete the hand spa while exposing guests to every scent we carry.
1 Travel Size Hair Spray
1 Organic Nail Balm
1 Healing Elements Balm (the BIG SIZE) This is AWESOME
1 Tea Tree Citrus Face and Body Bar Soap
1 Milk & Honey Bar Soap
1 Peppermint Melting Massage Lotion Bar in tin
1 Organic Anti Aging Oil Serum
1 Lip Balm
1 Full Size Baby Lotion in a pump bottle
some trial size sunscreen and lotion
Catalogs
Order Forms
Bags
There may have been other things that I am forgetting but I am NOT willing to get up and look.
The kit was WELL worth the investment, but to do the "traditional" spa party I would need to invest additional dollars.
To use the kit as is and do a Home Party with no additional investment (no foot tubs, towels or cucumber foot spa kit) would simply be an infomercial with the ability to do a hand spa and smell all the lotions. It is doable, but NOT my ideal.

Add to that that HALF of my products were manufactured in December 2015 and have either a 6 month or 1 year shelf life (that means that when my kit was shipped mid-march half my products were already either halfway or 1/4 of the way through their shelf life). This means to me LG is getting to big for its purpose.

Add to that the many WONDERFUL LOCAL artisans like Flint River Soaps, Soap Estella and On Hand Lotions that MAKE many of the same products.

Add to that my DESIRE to support LOCAL and to do what is best for my clients and I would rather make my own Sugar/Salt Scrubs and share the recipe, make my own whipped body butters, make my own lotion bars, and direct people to local options for what is available.

I will remain a consultant (so long as the company allows me too) and use my discount to purchase products not available locally or to share products not available locally with my clients. I doubt that I will host any in home demonstrations and I certainly do not have any additional funds to invest in having home spa parties (and let us not forget that I don't have a vehicle to get to said home party/demonstrations).......... BUT for now I am giving this up as a side hustle.


Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Time Management Tuesday - Tackling the Clutter

Right now, I lack the energy to complete many tasks. I have the will but I lack the sufficient drive. I know that part of that is my eating habits. I have fallen so far from the path I was on.  It is time for me to admit that I suffer from debilitating fatigue. I do not know the cause of my fatigue, almost 10 years ago when my fatigue was frightening (I felt like I was falling asleep at the wheel, I would arrive places and not recall getting there at all) I went to see a doctor. She prescribed me sleeping pills and said I probably just needed a reset. I read the package insert for the sleeping pills and as I had small children who I was solely responsible for (he claimed he was such a deep sleeper he didn't hear them), I opted not to take the pills.

At my next visit with her I let her know that I wasn't comfortable taking the pills and would rather know the root cause of my fatigue. This was in MANY ways the start of my self lead journey to a more holistic life. She had no answers for me (not even a recommendation for a sleep study).

Each year for three years, when it seemed as if I became any more tired I would fall asleep and NEVER WAKE UP, I would make an appointment with this same doctor hoping for a different outcome. This was a regular thought and even though I suspected it was just my anxiety, those of you with anxiety will know that even though you know the thought to be irrational you are still held prisoner to the thought. This doctor never really helped me and further cemented my distrust of doctors in general.

Fatigue has it has been a factor for as long as I can remember, although it has never been as severe as it is now. When I was younger, I attributed it to working (2 or 3 odd jobs), advanced schooling, being an active athlete and still attempting to have a social life. I would typically barely get through my week to crash all day Sunday. This worked for middle and high school. Then I noticed I started crashing for whole weekends, and the crash invaded my weeks as well.

I sometimes find it difficult to do ANYTHING. I cannot really describe it, and I have been told by many people (including my ex) that I am just lazy and am choosing not to do anything. Those with true fatigue understand, those without can only guess. There are days when it takes all the energy I have to sit in a chair and breath.

There are days when breathing feels like I am underwater breathing through a tiny pinched straw.

The times I have had the least fatigue are the times I was using holistic methods (clean diet, daily activity and herbs and oils), so that is what I need to get back to. Even with that if I overdid my activity level I paid the price. I need to find a balance between fatigue and daily routine. I need to get my laundry caught up and stay caught up. I need to wash dishes and keep up with them. I need to clean the cat box 2-3 times daily. I need to sweep the floors daily and clean and organize this house.

Does anyone else feel like a gerbil in the wheel just battling not to tumble head over heels as the wheel spins on out of control?

Monday, April 4, 2016

Wednesday Wellness - Overwhelming Fatigue

I have for most of my life suffered from overwhelming fatigue. I could sleep all day long and not feel rested, well or ready to go. My parents even tell anyone who they knew I was such a great child, because I was always falling asleep right after dinner, never missed a nap..... everything about my childhood points to a fatigue issue. That isn't to say I didn't play, I did, but I also napped several times a day. I can't help but fall asleep in the car (unless I am driving) and even when a good movie was on tv and we were allowed to stay up and watch I always fell asleep in the middle. 

I had planned on Spring Cleaning this past week, but I didn't and I won't allow myself to feel bad about that. I didn't have the energy to do the Spring cleaning. I had the desire but not the energy. While I have never truly felt energized, I feel better when I eat well. 

Eating well is a challenge when one is on a small budget. It is difficult to make sure the kids have enough to feel full AND that it is food they like AND that I can afford. I received $363 per month to feed 3 people 3 meals a day 3 days a week and 2 people 3 meals a day the other 4 days a week (3-4 days a week Lu goes to her father's and he feeds her, although she often would make smoothies here to take with her). Even with the Bonus Coupons for using my EBT at the Public Market it wasn't enough.  

I received food stamps from May 2015 through March 2016, and am no longer eligible because Monroe County, the State of New York and the Federal Government all feel that I should be receiving some form of child support, so until I have a decree giving me child support or denying me child support I am NO LONGER ELIGIBLE for assistance. 

At any rate I am currently able to budget $100 per week to feed my family. Again this is NOT a lot of money to feed all of us. Limitations like this are the reason that families fall into bad habits of boxed mac n cheese, hot dogs, grilled cheese/pbj sandwiches and chips. So my dilemma for the next few months is to figure out how to eat well and eat well for less. I WILL NOT compromise and buy inferior quality foods. I would love to try a Ketogenic Diet but healthy fat sources are expensive and I don't believe I can do it. Lu is currently doing Keto and it is costly.  Instead I'll simply do my best to increase my healthy fat intake, decrease my carbs (focusing on grain carbs, and processed carbs), and increase protein. 

My sleep is also currently an issue. It could be that I don't have a comfortable bed to sleep in, or that I am stressed about money, or that I have some long term autoimmune issue that has never been diagnosed (because I don't have the time or the money to have such things investigated), it could be my lack of activity, my poor diet, lack of sufficient water OR ALL OF THE ABOVE. Right now I have to do what I can to focus on improving my health. That means more daily walks (free), eating as best as I can with my budget constraints, and trying to let go of the stress. Stressing over my lack of funds will not change my lack of funds.

I'd love to try Chiropractic Care and Acupuncture but right now (financially) those are luxuries. 

One step forward, One Day at a time, one small change.....

Money Matters Monday - The Side Hustle

Most of the get out of debt, secure financial freedom, make money in your free time.... blogs/post and articles all talk about some sort of side hustle. 

Of course there is the time honored second job. A second job just isn't feasible for me. I am trying to build my business and I need to devote myself to that business 100%. I cannot do that if I am working a part time job somewhere else. I also did not have any luck in securing a part time job (every place felt I was over qualified). 

Why is being overqualified a drawback? The answer is simple economics. It costs money to train a new employee and every time an employee leaves it costs money. Now an overqualified candidate can promise to stay on for a certain period of time (2-3 years) but in New York this is an at will state, so either party can terminate a contract at any time. Time was that when an individual gave their word it was good, but these days people have all sorts of excuses for breaking their word. Some suggest that overqualified candidates dummy down their resumes. The problem with this is that a candidate may need to carry skills from a position that are now eliminating or in my case it would leave a 12 year gap on their resume. 

Additionally, I no longer own a car and the RGRTA bus system is at its all time most unusable. I used to love taking the bus to/from work when I worked downtown. Now if I worked downtown I would consider driving and paying for parking because I would be walking from the NEW transit center to my office and I could get soaked in the time that would take (even with an umbrella). Used to be I could also grab a bus from the SE city to Greece or Webster (never had any luck trying to get to say Pittsford) but NOW one has to take the bus to the transit center. By the way, any of those buses I have to walk 1 mile pay $1 to ride .5 miles to the transit center and then take on most occasions 2 additional to within 2-3 miles of my destination. For the last 4 places I needed to go it was time (and money) better spent simply walking the 3.5 miles to and from. If I had taken the bus it would have cost me $4 round trip and I would have walked the first mile and the last mile and a half each way.  

So the side hustle it is. Typical side hustles include Party Plan Companies, Direct Sales, Multi-Level Marketing, or selling online (stuff you make or stuff you own).

I have had many experiences with Party Plan Companies, Direct Sales and Multi-Level Marketing and I have NEVER made any money with those. The truth is there are people making good money with those. They are TYPICALLY individuals who have money to spend ($2-$3k in the first year) to BUILD that business the same way you would build a business of your own. My issue with those plans is that I don't have that kind of money to spend AND I don't have transportation to go hold parties. Now consultants will tell you, you can be successful without having a car. I listened to a woman who has never held a live party but has a team of 300 under her. She simply shares her love of the product with everyone she meets. They take a sample, fall in love and order (or sign as a consultant). The minimum monthly order is $25 to be "active" and she orders that for herself, family and friends. The truth is SHE IS AN ACCEPT ION, NOT THE RULE. The truth is there is money to be made in those companies for those willing to work hard enough to earn it. The individuals making good money might tell you they are only "working 2-3 nights a week", but what they mean by "working" is hosting parties. They aren't telling you about all the time they spend talking to people, making follow-up phone calls, mailing information.... working a real business close to full time (and for some full time plus). The BENEFIT is they choose the hours they want to work. 

Selling stuff I own online. Sorry I am not an online person and I won't sign a PayPal agreement so most online auctions are out for me. Also I don't own valuable stuff. I have been selling items through Facebook Auction pages, but alas it is a lot of work for NOT a lot of money. Most of my big ticket items are gone. Everything else I'll be lucky to get $.25-$1 for. These are the kinds of items meant for a garage sale. 

A Garage Sale has been a key part of my budget since I had kids. I used to make enough money selling the stuff they had outgrown or didn't use to pay for all the fun Summer Stuff we did and Back to School Clothes. But as kids become tweens and teens they don't outgrow as much, and stuff is pretty specific to their tastes. I still have a garage sale or two each summer, but the yields have gone under $200 per sale. Which if you consider the 2 8-10 hour days worked for that money it isn't much (and that doesn't include all the time before the sale sorting, cleaning and tagging), but I continued to do garage sales because it helped me clean out the clutter. 

The problem I face now is that I no longer have a driveway or an ideal spot for a garage sale. So I have to cart my stuff to my Mom's (which means I can't sell half the stuff I want to get rid of because the believes she gave it to me, or decides she wants to keep it - and then a couple of months down the road gives it back to me as a "family heirloom" forgetting that she got it from me in the first place).  I also don't have my own car so I have to get a ride and pack my stuff the day of the sale (limiting what I can take - and exhausting me before the day has begun). I have a friend who regularly holds a sale at her place (and used to join me for a sale at my place) but again I have to borrow a car and load it up to drag stuff out there. I do it, because it is an opportunity to go and hang out while maybe getting rid of some junk and making pizza money. 

Regardless I am going to join my mother when she has her garage sale and I'll just bring the stuff I know I can sell there. Then I'll join Susan for hers, and I'll even try to have one on my very limited little lawn out front. 

In the meantime I am going to try to list everything I can on the Facebook Auction Page between now and then. 

The last side hustle is to sell something you make, but I am just not that talented. I have often daydreamed that I could refinish furniture and sell it, but I have never even attempted to refinish something. I have daydreamed that I could sew doll clothes, but anyone who knows me knows I don't sew (at least not well). I once dreamed of starting a scrapbooking business where I made albums that people could just slap pictures into, but I don't have the space to dedicate to what is a dying industry - most people have gone digital.

So the truth is that my best venture is my business venture and I am better to spend my time, effort and money in growing that.