Conversations with the Universe

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine the telephone ringing....
(OK open your eyes and just picture in your mind the following scenario)

Bring..... Bring.....
"Hello..."
"Hello, is this Tree?"
"Yes?"
"Well Tree this is the Universe calling and everything you want, everything you dreamed is just sitting there waiting for you to grab hold of it."
Click...

Now the Universe isn't really going to pick up the phone and call me, or you, but at the beginning of 2014 I set an intention. I set the intention that I was going to be helping people and I was finally going to be happy. 

My whole life had been planned out (in part by me, in response to what I thought would make others happy or proud)since I was in the third grade. I was going to graduate high school in the top 10%, I was going to college and then law school, I was going to do great things as a lawyer and even make partner by age 30.

I try to remember why I wanted to be a lawyer in the first place, it is not an easy thing. I was the youngest child and my earliest memories are of being compared to my older siblings. I was the "healthy one". My oldest sister was late (requiring a c-section) and was as a result a very large baby. She was always big for her age (much like my youngest child). She was not the smartest, but she had a big heart. My middle sister was unhealthy from the start. She was jaundiced and suffered from colic. She was a finicky child, and had a host of issues growing up. 

I was the "healthy child". We didn't really have the opportunity to explore sports and art. When it came to playing with the neighbor kids (just the one set at the top of the hill) I wasn't very fast, I wasn't great at frisbee or soccer. So I assumed I was just a mediocre athlete. When it came to art projects I never saw my macaroni art as "worthy" (wonder where my kids get their self-criticism from?).

In my household artsy careers were really frowned upon. I know that my parents wanted what was best for us, and they thought that meant pushing us to be what they defined as successful. I had an educational debate (argument) with my teacher when I was in the third grade (I won) and from that point forward I was told I would be an excellent lawyer. I latched on to that as it was the first thing that I seemed to be good at. 

I was a smart kid, but I wasn't the smartest kid. I wasn't very good at singing, or playing music, and my two left feet had me less than coordinated. 

Lawyering was something I could excel at, and this is how this became my plan in life. 

I thought I could do some good, maybe work in the public sector. Then in my undergraduate studies I married a wonderful man who helped me see that there was more to life than a plan that made everyone else happy. Yet still I felt pressured to go down the law school path, but I hated it. I stayed at home with my girls. I LOVED being a stay at home mom, but the comments would bother me.
"Since you don't do anything anyways..... would you mind....."
"It is such a waste for someone as smart as you to be at home with the kids..."
"When do you think you'll get back on track?"
I felt pressured to go back to work, and I WANTED to go back to work. I craved the accolades that I got for being good at what I do. I craved conversations that didn't start with "why" and end with "why". So I went back to work as a paralegal. 
I was good at being a paralegal and I felt like it was a good compromise. I was in the legal field and I was good at it. I however wasn't helping people. Just the opposite. 
I started in a foreclosure firm, where it was my job to take away houses and get them sold at auction. I had to field phone calls from homeowners with sob stories and at the end of my 60 hour week I felt lousy. 
I moved on to work in business and tax law. This felt good. There was no bad guy and no good guy. But this wasn't helping people. Eventually, I ended up working in insurance defense, it was our firm's job to give people nothing or as little as possible, to prove that people weren't really injured or not as injured as they claimed, or if they were injured it wasn't our insured's fault....
I was working long hours and ultimately I felt lousy about the kind of work I was doing. 

So at the start of 2014 I put out the intention that I would be happy in 2014 and I would be doing something that HELPED people. I thought the path I would take was one of teaching wellness classes using essential oils as a platform. I met wonderful women who showed me that I was not alone in wanted to empower individuals to take charge of their wellness and lives. In early March 2014 the Universe apparently felt I wasn't taking the call and gave me a big shove. I was let go from my job of almost 3 years. 

I was suddenly (but truly not unexpectedly) unemployed. I went through the paces, I looked for replacement work. I was at the top of the income bracket and the jobs just weren't there. 

On a whim I decided to head over to the massage school less than .5 mile from my home. I had been to the website before. I had even considered enrolling in their night program once my youngest graduated from high school. So I met with a fiery woman in admissions who gave me the information and tools I needed to make a decision. 

I discussed it with my husband, and with his support I made the decision to enroll. 

I was terrified. What if after spending all this time and money it didn't work out? Every time there was doubt in my heart, there was a light along my path. A comment from an instructor ("one of the best massages I have ever received from a student or a pro"), fellow students encouraging each other to achieve our dreams, or women in the world pushing me to reach for my dreams.

On the first day of hands on we discussed the techniques and styles we would be learning. One of them was pregnancy. From that moment forward I knew I wanted to do pregnancy massage. I didn't know why, but I knew I wanted to.

I aced the pregnancy course, and I am eager to find additional material to learn more about pregnancy. 

Again fear crept in and I wondered could I be successful in a pregnancy focused practice?

As fate would have it, we were preparing our business plans as part of our business course and I Googled "pregnancy massage, Rochester, New York". Several companies (spa and private practice) came up that offered pregnancy massage, but only one that was truly pregnancy focused. Her website was professional (not just a template) and well thought out. I hesitated. I wanted to reach out to her and just chat with her. 

Just at that moment Tom came down to check on the progress we were making on our business plans and he asked me "Have you researched if there are any other pregnancy practices in the area?"

"Actually, yes."

"And..."

"There is one. Her website is well crafted and professional."

"You should reach out to her, she is a graduate and I think she would love to chat with you...."

So I did, and she was very open to chatting with me and mentoring me. She is a wonderful women who is successful. I thought I would need to start under someone, and she assured me that once I am licensed if I put my business out there (professionally) then I will have no trouble finding clients (she'll even send some my way).

Meeting with her boosted my confidence and I started to think more seriously about my true business plan. I started to worry about affording space, and finding a space that I could meet new clients before traveling to them in their homes. Again the universe called and a friend who is an inspiration posted about have a room for rent in her space. We met and it is perfect. So in mid-March or early April (when I get my license) I will be working out of Awakened Athlete (the former Baby Bump Academy).

Again I started to doubt my success with a pregnancy focused practice (will it be affordable, will women be willing to take care of themselves) and the universe called again. Due to the large snowstorm last week the regular meeting of Women Entrepreneurs United was rescheduled. I was fortunate to attend one meeting in the early summer before I started massage school, but due to timing wasn't going to be able to attend again until January 2015. The meeting was rescheduled for this morning, so I was able to attend. 

Brenda led us through a discussion about fear. What is our biggest fear? For me my biggest fear is FAILURE. This has been a decade long dream (not the pregnancy practice, but becoming a LMT and helping people) so what if I fail? Being able to put that fear out in the open with a group of supportive women (who have faced the same fear) was helpful. I recognize that I am afraid of failing, but also that the only way I can fail is to not act, or to give up once I have started. 

The theme for 2015 is intention, and Coleen shared an image of a Kite with its tail just whipping in the wind. It made me think. I am going to create a kite for 2015 and tie my intentions to the tail. This will be a functional kite so once it is complete I'll have to take it out on a windy day and let it soar. Then as the year goes on I can add intentions to the tail and each time take it out and fly it. When it is not flying high it will be on my office wall where it can be a daily inspiration and reminding to keep soaring for my dreams. 

I am grateful to the Universe for always bringing the right person into my life at just the right time.