Fight Like A Girl

We started with Martial Arts for Thia, she was always tall for her age and a bit awkward.  A friend of our suggested Martial Arts and even invited us to try their dojo. Thia took to it, although she is currently taking a break (for studies and the school musical). Lu was busy with school, school sports and the musicals. That first summer she did a summer program and she loved it. Lu took breaks as she needed for her sports seasons and the plays. Then we were asked to help with a local fight. They needed more ushers. We got to watch all the fights (from the BEST seats in the house) and all we had to do was show people to their seats and make sure the aisles were kept clear. After the fight Lu was pumped. She wanted to know what she had to do to get into the ring. 

For those of you who don't know Lu yet she is determined. Once she sets her mind to something there is no changing it and no deterring her. It has not been an easy road to get to fight training. She was an orange belt, so she was told the dojo preferred that the fighters be purple belts and up. Then she was told she needed to attend the Saturday sparring classes regularly (shortly after the Saturday sparring classes were cancelled). Then she was told she needed to make the drive to Syracuse for fight training. Then the fight training schedule kept changing. Now we make the drive to B-ville twice a week (once her fight is scheduled it will be 3-4 times per week). 

Her dojo family (and they are a family) all support her decision to fight. They encourage her and some even say they admire her courage because they don't think they could get in the ring.  What disturbs her and SO MANY FEMALE ATHLETES is the naysayers. She and I have both fielded the same questions since she started. Last night as we arrived in B-ville for Monday night class a parent of a dojo student (not in fight training) was trying to be polite and make conversation. She realized she forgot her wraps (she just got wraps from her Nana) and the parent asked her "Didn't you forget your mouth piece last week?" 

Instantly, I could see her mouthpiece sitting in the yogurt cup on the counter (she must have washed it over the weekend) and I said "You did grab your mouth piece from the counter?" Lu was just a bit confused "Why would my mouth piece be on the counter?" 

"Isn't it sitting in a yogurt cup next to the sink?"

I could see her heart sink. In fight training rib gear is optional, shins are optional, but headgear, mouth guards and jewel guards are NOT.

The parent wanting to be helpful let us know we could go to Kinney's (a drug store in the Cuse area) for a mouth guard. I doubted they would have a specialty guard (she is allergic to latex) and the type she needed (darn small set jaw) but was willing to run out there. Before we left I let Shihan know where we were headed and he let her stay without a mouth guard because the plan was just to work pads. Phew! We dodged a bullet, but we will make sure to run a checklist before we leave next time (tonight).

As I settled in with my book, the parent asked how I felt about the drive from the ROC to the Cuse. I told him I didn't mind it (and truth is I do not). Sure there are times that I am tired and would rather not make the 1.5 hour drive, but then I see her on the floor and listen to her afterwords and it is always worth it. I value the three hours we have together in the car to talk (even when she is exhausted and emotional). He then wanted to know what I would do when the weather started to turn bad. 

Truth is I am sure in Western/Upstate New York I am sure we will miss a training class or two in the winter due to weather, but overall I don't mind driving in the snow. I mind the way other people drive in the snow, but I am a confident winter driver. I am a December birthday and I learned to drive a commercial van in the snow.  He mentioned how bad the thruway can get, and knowing people who have made the drive (our ROC instructors) in previous winters I know the thruway can get bad. I also know I can drive around it, choose not to go, or shack it up with dojo family in that area if need be.

All of this fine, even helpful. Maybe I am not from an area that gets lots of heavy snow, maybe I haven't thought about these things. Then the conversation went where they always go...

"Why do you let her do this? I mean she is such a pretty girl." 

These statements are always well meaning and I know it can be hard to understand why any girl in today's society, where we are so judged on our physical appearance,would put her face in the way of a broken nose, black eyes and potential cauliflower ears....

No one asks why parents let their boys do: football, rugby, BMX, box or MMA

Why because the societal standards say boys are supposed to be rugged and ruff and tumble. A man with a broken nose is even more hunky (ala Mathew McConaughey - although since he made it big its been cleaned up) and scars are signs of manliness.

It irritates me that female athletes (I was one once upon a time) are expected not only to excel as an athlete but still look pretty. Lu was telling me about a new MMA fighter who has quite a bit of talent but all the news outlets can focus on is the fact she looks like a super model and will this ruin her good looks. 

All I know is that as a parent it is my responsibility to support my children (regardless of gender) to reach for their dreams. No one would question if she wanted to be a ballerina (which is far more physically damaging, check out a retired ballerina's feet, ask about her joints and let's not even get into the body dis morphia where you are old at 25 and fat at a size 6) but everyone questions her and me about her wanting to be a fighter. 

I understand the concern for her physical safety, I worry about kids and adults with dangerous professions and hobbies, but it always becomes a commentary on looks. Somehow because she is beautiful she should not want to be a fighter. So if she was ugly would anyone question why she was getting in the ring? 

I trust Impact Martial Arts and Team Andrello to train her to be the best fighter she can be. I trust Shihan, the Barge, her instructors and her teammates to prepare her for the ring. Could she break her nose? Her orbital bones? A rib? Could she suffer a concussion? These are all possibilities, but she is going to do this with or without my support. If you think I have an option in letting her, then you haven't met my very strong willed athlete. 

Show your concern for an athlete's well being, just don't make it about gender. Not for BOYS or GIRLS. Athletes are athletes and what they need is support for what they are doing, encouragement and yes people who are concerned about their safety. Being concerned about weather or not she'll be pretty when she is done fighting isn't really concern for her safety it is an individual's lack of real knowledge. Now I know changing gender standards is the long road, but talking to people who ask me these questions is what I can do now. It doesn't mean that it doesn't irritate me when people ask me "Why do you let such a pretty girl do that?" It does bother me more when someone asks her "Why do you want to do that, you are so pretty"