Right now, I lack the energy to complete many tasks. I have the will but I lack the sufficient drive. I know that part of that is my eating habits. I have fallen so far from the path I was on. It is time for me to admit that I suffer from debilitating fatigue. I do not know the cause of my fatigue, almost 10 years ago when my fatigue was frightening (I felt like I was falling asleep at the wheel, I would arrive places and not recall getting there at all) I went to see a doctor. She prescribed me sleeping pills and said I probably just needed a reset. I read the package insert for the sleeping pills and as I had small children who I was solely responsible for (he claimed he was such a deep sleeper he didn't hear them), I opted not to take the pills.
At my next visit with her I let her know that I wasn't comfortable taking the pills and would rather know the root cause of my fatigue. This was in MANY ways the start of my self lead journey to a more holistic life. She had no answers for me (not even a recommendation for a sleep study).
Each year for three years, when it seemed as if I became any more tired I would fall asleep and NEVER WAKE UP, I would make an appointment with this same doctor hoping for a different outcome. This was a regular thought and even though I suspected it was just my anxiety, those of you with anxiety will know that even though you know the thought to be irrational you are still held prisoner to the thought. This doctor never really helped me and further cemented my distrust of doctors in general.
Fatigue has it has been a factor for as long as I can remember, although it has never been as severe as it is now. When I was younger, I attributed it to working (2 or 3 odd jobs), advanced schooling, being an active athlete and still attempting to have a social life. I would typically barely get through my week to crash all day Sunday. This worked for middle and high school. Then I noticed I started crashing for whole weekends, and the crash invaded my weeks as well.
I sometimes find it difficult to do ANYTHING. I cannot really describe it, and I have been told by many people (including my ex) that I am just lazy and am choosing not to do anything. Those with true fatigue understand, those without can only guess. There are days when it takes all the energy I have to sit in a chair and breath.
There are days when breathing feels like I am underwater breathing through a tiny pinched straw.
The times I have had the least fatigue are the times I was using holistic methods (clean diet, daily activity and herbs and oils), so that is what I need to get back to. Even with that if I overdid my activity level I paid the price. I need to find a balance between fatigue and daily routine. I need to get my laundry caught up and stay caught up. I need to wash dishes and keep up with them. I need to clean the cat box 2-3 times daily. I need to sweep the floors daily and clean and organize this house.
Does anyone else feel like a gerbil in the wheel just battling not to tumble head over heels as the wheel spins on out of control?
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