Thankful Thursdays - SOUR

SOUR

That is the word I would use to describe my general mood and tone lately. What does that have to do with Thankful Thursdays? EVERYTHING!

The truth is I have been struggling, regularly and a LOT lately. I have been discontented with my apartment (as it is it does not BEST SERVE ME), I have been discontented with my lack of car, and I have been discontented with the lack of movement on my divorce case. All this discontentment has served to do is to breed more discontentment and to steal my time. While I will not get my time BACK, I can prevent the LOSS of more time. 

I took a video of my apartment using my Kindle Fire - but alas I cannot figure out how to move the video from the Fire to a source I can use for this blog. At any rate my apartment is out of control. It is a disaster and is it a mess. It has gotten to this point because I gave up hope, I believed that I was entitled to MORE to BETTER (and I am), but that doesn't mean I cannot have GRATITUDE for what is here. 

I picked up Sheila Kennedy's Choices to Changes and started reading (I like to read self-help books in spurts, somehow I just always know when to pick it up again). I was reading a section about Attention to Money breeds abundance. At first the passage struck me as false. The passage talks about changing the way you look at money and instead of saying I cannot afford that say I am choosing not to spend my money on that at this time. 

My first thought was negative, I don't choose not to spend my money on this at this time, I don't have the money to spend. But as I turned it over in my mind I realized I do have a choice. I choose to pay my rent, I choose to pay my RG&E and I choose not to attempt to put myself further into debt. I could always take the funds from another source but I choose not too. And certainly there have been times when I have not had the money to take from other sources, but in those times I chose to sell items I no longer loved, needed or that served me. I chose to find alternate options to pay the unavoidable bills. 

My instinct was to push the idea away as false, because I currently fall into the lack breeds lack category. When I let go and trust, I find time and time again abundance. When I let go and trust that I will succeed I cross paths with the people who I need in my life at that moment. So why is it so hard to let go and trust my living accommodations? 

Yes, I am grateful to have a Landlord who cares about building community MORE than building profits. Yes, I am grateful to have a Landlord who did not evict me when I could not pay my December rent in full, or any of my January rent. No this apartment isn't my dream apartment and someday I'll live in a Loft or a Studio or a 1 Bedroom in the heart of a vibrant city (but maybe that city isn't the one I am in right now) and maybe now isn't the time or that dream. 

What I can do is CHOOSE how I look and treat the space I am in right now. I am CHOOSING to make changes. I am choosing to let go of ALL the items that no longer serve me. I am choosing to make improvements to this apartment so that it better serves my needs and desires. I am choosing to LOVE this place while it is my HOME.

Hopefully, I'll be editing this post in the near future to add the intended video